Friendship can suck!

A few weeks ago, I was on my way to a meeting of our writers' group, and my neighbor said, "Say hello to my friend (insert random name) for me!"


She had been referring to (random name), who is in the group, for weeks as her "friend."


So I got to the meeting place and said to (random name), "Oh, (neighbor's name) said to say 'hi.'"


"Who?" she asked. Turns out they had met once, at another meeting.


So now I don't know who to refer to as my friend, in a context where it would truly describe the relationship, or what to call someone who is not really my friend but ... for example, I would not call (random name) my friend because I don't know her all that well - but she is something more to me than just someone I see occasionally.


I frequently have lunch with another person, a man of my acquaintance. We talk about various things, but we never really have shared anything of a personal nature. Is he my friend? I think of him as a friend.


But I have another person here in town that I have shared personal stuff with (and vice versa), but who I see less regularly. Is she more my friend than the guy I have lunch with?

That's a good question.


The word "friend" is defined in my Merriam-Webster Dictionary as "one attached to another by respect or affection."


If your friend does or says something wrong, do you by definition support him or her? What if 2 of your friends are in a dispute or simple disagreement, who do you go with? The one who has been your friend the longest, or the one you agree with?


If your friend does something you don't like, what do you do? Call them up and confront them, or what? (No, I really want to know!)


If someone is your friend, does that automatically mean you turn your head away from, or deny, their faults and failings? I think the case of Billy White, the young man convicted of drunk driving who violated his parole by having a beer, is a case in point.


On the Daily News website, his friends rallied around him and said he didn't deserve to go back to jail because he'd done this and that and what a good friend he is.


So what? They would have served him better as his friend if the one who was with him at the restaurant had stopped him from ordering a beer (pun not intended).


You build your friendships as you go along. Then mere friends become "good friends." Oh. My. God. Everything has to have a qualifier, doesn't it?